Grief Brain at the age of 30

Hey Faithers! 

Happy Wednesday! 2022 has been an interesting year. It has passed by so fast, yet it seemed so slow at some point. I am currently in my grieving season, meaning I have entered the period representing birthdays, death dates, and holidays. HealingSheGotFaith has also been on the up and up with our grand opening of the Healing Community Office and starting more grief groups. We currently have the Thoughts by T&T Grief Support Group that meets on Thursdays. During this group, we have been diving into our family origins and discussing grief's effect on us. A couple of weeks ago, we discussed Grief Brain, which brought me to this week's subject. Tomorrow I turn 31. And while I am young, sometimes I have such a bad memory. I do not smoke or drink often, and I don't have any underlying issues affecting my memory. But the only common denominator that I see within myself is grief. When my mom died, I noticed a lot that I could no longer remember. It would be frustrating because I would know I did something, but I could not remember where I set something down, placed a conversation, or even attended an event. 

I noticed that grief was taking over my physical and emotional body and memory. I learned about Grief Brain and what precisely that means. Grief Brain is a symptom that is not talked about enough.

Per Google: Your brain is overloaded with thoughts of grief, sadness, loneliness, and many other feelings. "Grief Brain affects your memory, concentration, and cognition. Your brain is focused on the feelings and symptoms of grief, leaving little room for your everyday tasks." Another article that you can read that discusses Grief Brain is https://psychcentral.com/lib/your-health-and-grief#can-grief-damage-your-brain

The good thing about Grief Brain is that it is not permanent. Our memory slowly returns as we strive to grieve and move forward in our healing. You may notice you have a grief brain when someone is discussing the funeral or maybe an activity during your loss, and you can not remember exactly what they are describing. You might have a moment where you vaguely remember, but you can pinpoint it exactly. One of my examples of grief brain is that I was in grad school when my mom passed. She died 6-months before my graduation. I have very little recollection of those last six months. I remember going to school, but I do not remember doing any homework. I remember graduating and a whole bunch of people and family being there in matching shirts, but the day is vague—grief brain. It took so much of my concentration away. My attention span was so limited. I honestly felt like I was losing it because there were times I could not remember an important task, I could not repeat a conversation that we just had, it was hard to make a decision, and the biggest one of them all, I could figure out the words I needed to say to explain to the people around me what I needed. To this day, I still struggle with this because there are times when I do not know what I am trying to explain. All of this is stemmed from grief brain. It has improved as I've allowed myself to be and feel. I had to let myself grieve and let myself know it was okay. I had to move forward with my grief journey and know that grief is not linear. 

I ain't going to lie to you; it was hard to get by day to day because I was not settling to be the strong one. I did not take being strong as a badge of honor. I could not just keep pushing. Grief forced me to sit down and be one with myself. I have grown up around many people who have been so strong and just had to keep moving forward, but I refused. I needed to get to the bottle of this and figure out the "why?" I was on the hunt to heal and break a generational curse. This meant that I was different from the people and my family around me. I was alone because no one around me was actively doing this. After all, we did not know it was an option.

For me, I had to heal. I did not want to continue to sulk in my pain. Grief Brain was part of this experience. I had to be okay with grief's effects on my body. Permitting myself was the biggest thing I could have done to myself. It allowed me to look within and heal. To heal, I had to feel. I had to become okay with the person I no longer was. Grief changed me. I had to be okay with that. Grief Brain showed me that I had to give myself grace and take it easy on myself. There are things in life that the people around me nor I have ever experienced, and I have accepted that.

Along with this realization, I had to know that no matter what, there were days that would suck, and on those days, I needed to allow my body to feel! I looked different from the people around me and what society had told us. This society does not prepare us for grief. This society doesn't even understand grief. As uncomfortable as it is to discuss grief, I am passionate about it because we don't talk about it. Grief will hit us out of nowhere, and grief will show us what we need to do. People view grief as a negative, but grief has power (check out the HealingSheGotFaith Talk Show, the Power of Grief Series). Grief does not have to be negative; however, grief is a constant in life. It is not linear, and it is forever changing. There is no one, two, or three-step to overcome grief; there will never be a formula to get through grief. But grief does not equate to something negative, it can be painful, but it is not negative. For anyone living with grief, I want to send you a big hug, and I want you to love yourself the way you love the world. 

I love you!

Your self-love advocate, 

LeLe