My Daddy's Wildest Dreams
Hey Faithers and Happy Wednesday!
I have been gone for over a month. I have missed you all so much! I have missed writing, and I have missed being present with my website and followers. Things have been hectic in the HealingSheGotFaith world. If you want to hear about it, you'll have to check out the radio show! You can check it out HERE by clicking the link: HealingSheGotFaith.Org/Links.
Because it has been so hectic and Father's Day is coming up, I decided to start back off by discussing my daddy. Mr. Nolan. I miss that man so much. I often wonder what he would have grown to be? He was only 45 when he left this world. So, in my eyes, he still had so much growth potential. What would life have looked like if daddy was still alive? About a month after my mom passed, I was sitting at Starbucks, really questioning my life. What the hell was I supposed to do without my mommy? So, I picked up the phone and went to call my daddy. Yall, it had been 11 years since my daddy had been gone. Ain't that crazy how your body does not count or consider time. My brain went straight to calling my daddy! I sat in Starbucks with a tear rolling down my eyes because I could not believe that I was sitting here on the earth with no parent.
Grief. Grief does not care who you are. Grief hurts, but grief is love. I am currently reading Grief is Love by Marisa Renee Lee. I am only on chapter 3, but in the first chapter, Marisa had me crying. She spoke life about how she felt. I felt heard reading this because everything she said, I felt.
As this month has been a whirlwind of busyness, advocating, there's a war that might cause world war 3, there's a war on women's bodies, there's a lack of baby formula, there have been multiple public shootings, and we have watched every terrorist getaway even though they took innocent lives and we're all still surviving from COVID; life still had to happen. My building was in jeopardy, and I had to advocate for that. My business was not popping, and I was becoming discouraged. I let go of one of my favorite people because of a lack of appreciation and boundaries. I had to become OK with people not being my friends, I had to become OK with my current life, and I continued in a 6-month healing challenge that I started in April. Also, from April to May, I had something to do almost every day. Allergies and Sinuses came in and tried to take me out. So, as you read this, a lot has happened.
And as I reflect on everything that has happened. I think to myself; I hope I am my daddy's wildest dream. My daddy used to carry our pictures and report cards in his wallet because he was so proud. I wonder what he would carry now? Would he have an iPhone? Would he be living his dream of owning a family diner? Would he be at my building every day? Would he and mom get remarried? Would he have found another wife? Would my dating life look different? These are all questions that I will never have the answer to. But As I sit here and reflect, I can't help but realize that my daddy is in me. Seriously, I look just like him from the roota to the toota. But also his spirit. His laugh. His cologne. The coffee breath that I remember on him. I remember my dad being such a proud man. I can see it now, "My kids, this. My grandkids that." I wish he could have lived a while longer. I miss that man. But I know his legacy lives on because he had three beautiful children and three beautiful grandkids. Every day, we make sure his legacy lives on.
This Wednesday, Faither, think of whoever you're missing and know you are their legacy. Always remember to love you the way you love the world.
I love you, Faither!
Your Self-Love Advocate,
LeLe
