Even when the answer is no;say yes to yourself

Hey Faithers,

Happy Wednesday! Are y'all glad to be back? I know we are. As I am returning from my hiatus and focusing on my brand, healing, and growth, I have made some discoveries. I have been having revelations when people haven't taken the necessary steps to heal the way I have, and others that I know; they have every solution and opinion that I never asked for. And when you tell them that you never asked, they deem you as negative.

Another revelation is that people have mistakenly been busy with setting boundaries. There is a difference between being extremely busy and setting boundaries and standing within them. Many people say, "oh, you're so busy, I figured you wouldn't want to." But you never even asked. You just made the assumption. But let me tell you a little secret. These folks are the same people who cancel on me 5 minutes before we're supposed to meet. So, that's their conviction. I would tell people that they don't think I am fun, and they never even thought to invite me. Recently, I left a two-year situationship where I asked this man to hang out all the time, and he never did.

I felt like a secret. I felt like he was ashamed of me. He always said that wasn't it, but he never did anything to match his words. I still faced the fact that this man didn't like me. Why did he keep me around? I have no idea? But as I had to let him know, I think you're a great guy, but you're not my guy; I had to put myself first. He was the first man ever to respect and support me. While he was not mine and I was treated how I desired, he was still a good friend, but he wasn't my person. At that moment, I felt like the world kept telling me, no, but I had to say yes to myself. I could have settled and stayed in the situationship, kept this great guy around, and watched him love everything and everyone around but me. But I had to say yes to myself and say, "Listen, while these last two years have been great, I can no longer stay because I am hurting. I am yearning for something that you can not give me. He was my favorite person in the world. He wasn't even stunting me. I was just something that he would remember, "oh yeah, let me call Lisa." The only thing we did was talk and text on the phone. But in all my relationships, I desire quality time. So, if I am only a placeholder and the only thing you can do is take from me, then you have to go. You can not stay here. Because while you're saying no to me and my desires, I can be saying yes to myself while healing and growing. I no longer desire friendships, relationships, or situationships that only take from me. I no longer desire any relationship that gives nothing to me. I desire to be fed, nurtured, and loved.

My third revelation is that there needs to be a safe space where people, single people, grieving people, and anybody with emotions have a safe space to feel what they feel. We need space to be allowed to touch the hurt and pain we are going through. With me ending this two-year situationship, I needed to be able to say, "Dang, it didn't work out again. I am tired of being single. I want my man." I should be able to say that without someone giving me that cliche answer or a solution. I never asked anyone to fix me. I just asked someone to listen. No one can correct me. Only I can. I am in therapy 2-3 times a week because this is the only space where I don't have to give anything and where it is all about me. We need that space to be human.

With all these revelations, the main theme I kept coming across was when the world says no, say yes to yourself. When I originally was going to write about the business obstacles that were stopping me from doing what I needed. But as I sit here, the blog post took this direction. I hope you continue to enjoy your Wednesday. Please remember to love you the way you love the world.

I love you, Faither.

LeLe,

Your self-love advocate.