Death is a natural part of life

Is death a natural part of life? Why does death hurt so badly? If death is so innate, why does grief alter our life in such ways that we grieve our old selves?

Recently, I've been listening to people be more comfortable in grief. I've met people who want to become grief coaches, and I've seen more people talk about grief. This is music to my ears. This society never taught us how to grieve. We were given 2-3 business days for bereavement and expected to come back like lives were not just altered. The other part is that we were taught that grief is only related to death and death is only associated with someone leaving this Earth. So, as I've entered into this journey of researching grief and creating a safe place for people who are grieving, I've tapped into another section which is death.

I believe we talk about death, but we don't understand death. When you have genuinely healed and permitted yourself to grieve, you learn that death doesn't mean that your loved one is truly gone but is a new relationship with your loved one. So that brings me to this question, is death a natural part of life, and if so, how do we become okay with it? One, yes, death is part of life. We're all going to die. That is a fact. No one is truly immortal and on this Earth forever. (I mean, we see dinosaurs and animals still roaming this Earth, but you know, whatever.) But even in animals, death happens. I've been watching a lot of animal TikToks and documentaries, and I see that there are some animals, such as elephants, that grieve. So, yes, death is a natural part of life. We will die. We do not know when or how, but we know it will. I am not sure the theories of why we would be put on this Earth only die, but I think we can all agree that we have experienced death in one shape or another. When we lose out loved ones, we change. When I lost my mother, I could not fathom how I would live this life without her. To this day, I do some things, and I want to call her. There are days when I am distraught that she died. Then there are days when I realize that I am her living legacy, and I am doing everything she was never able to do. I know I am breaking generational curses. When my father passed away, I was only 15. I had no sense of death or living. There was so much drama at that point that I wanted things to be okay. Then my dad died, and I became numb. Instead of grieving, I became this robust 15-year-old. I felt like I had to become a superwoman. Even though I was so young and no adult would hear me out. They just wanted me to be a certain way and take their word for it.

I grew up in a household where we took care of everyone else. When my dad passed, I saw family members from my mom and dad's side that came from all over the states to attend his funeral. They all came to support, drink and laugh. It was all love, but no one allowed anyone to grieve. I remember one of my cousins cursing everyone out because she could not attend a bar mitzvah. Even though we had just left my daddy's body and would never see him again, she was in the house slamming doors and cursing people out. And guess who went and consoled her and tried to make her feel better? Yup, me. I tried to crack a little jokey joke and talk to her, rubbing her back.

I was waiting for my daddy to call my phone the whole time. I was already number because I was young and had experienced multiple deaths and funerals. Then my mom died. My life was forever changed. I was more mature, and way more went into that death. Also, I started a healing journey that would open my eyes. While I was a fighter, I could no longer be numb. I had to allow myself to feel. I could no longer be strong. Nor did I want to be strong, either. But then my mind took me to a place where I was obsessed with death. What were my Facebook pages going to look like? What would my casket look like? Is my family going to go broke when I die? How will they know my passwords? Do they have access to my bank accounts, car, house, or business? Can they handle another death? It was a lot. I had to quiet my mind because it was too loud. I had to learn about death and realize that it is all part of life. We can take steps to ensure our family is taken care of. We can prep our families and set them up for success when we leave this Earth. We begged my mom for insurance for years. In the last couple of years of her life, she finally decided to get life insurance, one of the policies she got seven days before her passing. I think she knew her time was coming.

As I started to investigate myself and resolve my grief, I learned through listening to others who have lost their parents and been on a healing journey that we all had to conclude that death is part of life. Everyone dies. Even bugs die. Now, I am not one to talk about death often, there is still a little bit of fear there, so I am working through that. But I have been actively investing in myself to be comfortable and at peace with this part of life. I have taken the steps such as creating a will and paying a lawyer to notarize my trust and having difficult conversations with my family. I have started these processes because I know what it's like to have a surprise death and not have any money to do anything. If I can set my family up and leave things behind so they do not suffer, then so be it. I want to imagine a world where we are so healed that even when we don't have kids and spouses, we still set our families up for success and not leave them to fend for themselves when our time has expired. I used to be scared to talk about death because I did not want to bring death upon myself. We see a lot of social media where people talk about death, and then out of nowhere, we know they're gone. I was scared because I did not want to bring it to myself or have people think I was suicidal. But the reality, as I am healing, I realize what I need to do for myself and my legacy. My family deserves to be taken care of, and If I can do anything about it, I want to. My view now is that death is a natural part of life. I have no idea why it hurts, and grief takes a massive amount of us. I am still searching and learning. But I do know we can take steps to prepare ourselves better. Also, the more we allow ourselves to grieve, the better we can understand. Grief is also part of life. We do not just grieve death. The more we learn about grief and the more we start to become more comfortable and understanding of grief. But we have to be able to get to that point. The journey I am on took a lot of work. I am still working daily. So, no, I do not have all the answers, and some of the stuff I am saying may be wrong, or next year I might have a different view. However, at this moment on this journey, I am learning myself. One of the realizations is that death is going to happen. We can not stop it.

Faithers, I love you. I want you to love you the way you love the world. I hope you keep going and taking care of yourself!

Your Self-Love Advocate

LeLe