I’ve learned my place in everyone’s life

Hey Faithers, Happy Wednesday!

Today I am reflecting on how I have realized my place in everyone else's life as I have endured this healing journey. Can anyone relate? As time has passed, can you see your role in people's lives? There was a time when I truly enjoyed being there for people. I would make plans, invite and celebrate people. But then it came a time when I realized people let me know the place I held for them. I was good enough to travel with, cry to, and call when life was in shamble, but I was not good enough to be invited anywhere. I would look up, and friends would do everything they told me they could not do with everyone else. I remember one time, I was told by someone I dated that he could not come to my birthday, but throughout the year, he showed up to everyone. When I finally decided to take a step back, people questioned me. People came to me and said, "I did not realize I was hurting you. I did not expect you to leave my life." I would ask, "how? What were you doing to keep me?"

I have spent time, money, tears, and sacrifice in every area of my life to make people see my love and support for them, but what was I getting in return? Not even an ounce of gratitude. I had to do what was best for me: let go. I let go and did this journey on my own. I started to attract people with like-minded mentalities. I began to meet people with the same experience and wanted a different outcome. Friends started taking me to concerts and dinner! Dating, well, I lost the desire to date. But I fell in love with myself. I had to relearn myself because I was no longer the same person.

There were many hard conversations with people where the root of the problem was me saying, "I learned my place in your life." I knew what role I played. Some people did come back, but they saw the difference. I no longer reached out first. I did not desire a constant conversation. I was not all over them. I even told one person that I did not want to invite them to a celebration I was having because I had to protect myself from waiting on them to show up. This experience was not easy. There were many lonely nights. There were temptations to reach out and apologize to people for leaving their life so coldly, but I had to protect myself. Life happens. Everyone is going through something right now. Every single person is. But when I see it being done to everyone and all I get is excuses, I would instead be told, "I just don't think you're fun." I would take the truth over being left out. While I try to follow one of the four agreements by Don Ruiz, "Don't take nothing person," I am still healing and working through this. With that in mind, part of this is setting boundaries. My heart has been broken so many times by the expectations of other people showing up. I don't even want to get my hopes for people to show up. But also, I know my place now. I think healing has been beautiful. It has been challenging, but it has given me a new outlook on life, relationships, and myself. Even when the light isn't shining, I am still as bright as the sun. I am so dope, and I love who I am. When the world tells me no, I tell myself yes. Loving and healing me has been one of the best decisions I've ever made! I hope you, reading this, are figuring out who you are and what you need! I hope you love yourself the way you love the world!

LeLe,

Your self-love advocate!